7 Smart Ways To Handle Toxic People And Cut Them Out Of Your Life
Whether or not you’d classify them as toxic people, we all have difficult relationships in our lives. But there are smart ways to handle toxic people, even cut them out of your life.
Toxic people are quite harmful to your health and mood, especially when you got to deal with them.
Just like any toxic thing — like food or poison — toxic people are extremely dangerous. The worst part is that many of these people are not even aware that they are negatively affecting others, and they are under the impression that they’re quite reasonable.
Toxic people poison those around them, and gain satisfaction from creating disorganization and a stressful atmosphere.
Allowing toxic people to ravage your immediate environment can cause havoc in your mental well-being. 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions, so your ability to perform effectively can be affected if you do not adopt strategies that will allow you to handle toxic people.
Yes, it’s hard to avoid toxic people sometimes.
They sometimes appear like something else, and they’re sometimes inextricably bound up with our work or family lives. However, there are smart practical steps you can take to preserve yourself from this sort of damage and cut them our of your life.
Winners know how to avoid toxic behavior and manage toxic people in their lives.
Successful people know how to avoid letting toxic people and situations shut them down. They don’t allow other people’s negative words or actions to affect them negatively. Life is like a game. You get to choose the strategies that will put you in a position to win.
In a perfect world, you can tell that toxic person in your life to GTFO, but this isn’t always possible. Here are some strategies to help you deal without losing it.
Everyone tells us to either ignore or fight them, but what exactly is the right way? I am sharing some simple ways through which you can get rid of this toxicity or reduce its effect to a great extent. So, how do you deal with people you’d rather avoid at all costs? Read on!
Tip #1: Set Boundaries
Take it from me, toxic people don’t do well with boundaries. They have a tendency to want to control others as well as situations. Trying to set limits or boundaries for them will get you nowhere; they see it as a personal challenge.
You can set limits on the things you can control.
Don’t invest too much time or effort with toxic people. Keep interactions brief and the topics light. Keep in mind that toxic people will be listening for anything you say that they can spin to make themselves look better.
When you get a sense that something’s not right in your interactions with someone, run through your mental boundary checklist and enforce these boundaries deliberately and rigidly.
Manipulative and toxic people drain your resources by constantly pushing you to work harder to please them, making you compromise more and more. This is exhausting and transgresses all acceptable relationship boundaries.
Winners aren’t afraid to set boundaries. I believe that boundaries are imperative for success.
If you give someone an inch, they’ll take a mile. You need to verbalize your boundaries. Be assertive. Tell people what you need from them. And I’m not talking about just physical boundaries. Boundaries can also apply to your time, your thoughts, and your emotions.
Don’t engage in a long back and forth debate about values, what your perspective is and why, as this will just waste your time and energy.
When we are complicit in another person’s poor behavior, we’re often reinforcing it and making it more likely to happen in the future. We are afraid to stand up for ourselves because we don’t realize we can be assertive without being aggressive. But you can confidently express your wishes and needs in a way that’s both true to yourself and respectful at the same time.
The first healthy boundary is to be mindful of your own time.
There is a fine line between being friendly and allowing somebody to lead you down a path that jeopardizes your ability to remain effective. Successful people understand this and do not allow the toxic among them to take charge, but rather choose to set effective boundaries.
Setting boundaries enables you to handle toxic situations without enabling them to negatively affect your work and your life.
Setting boundaries involves deciding what you will and won’t tolerate. Communicate these boundaries clearly and stick to them. Toxic people create drama deliberately in order to attract more attention and engage in manipulation, so remember this the next time you’re asked to run to their side.
Tip #2: Pick Your Battles
It’s tricky to balance being cordial with not wanting to normalize someone’s emotionally abusive behavior. But toxic people don’t respond well to criticism. It’s important to acknowledge that battles can escalate quickly into full-fledged declarations of war.
It would help if you stopped getting upset or angry as soon as they open their mouth or act in a hurting way.
Toxic people often make it seem like they “need you” because they’re always in crisis. But the important thing to know is that these are crises of their own making. Make sure you are not letting them on your nerves even if they say something that hurts.
It is them, not you. You need to know this.
Toxic people will always try to imply that it is you who has done something wrong. And because the guilt button is installed into most of our brains, even the implication that we are the one who has done something wrong can unsettle our resolve and hurt our confidence. Do NOT let this happen.
What’s making you such an appealing target for the toxic person?
Maybe you lose your temper fast, which makes them enjoy pushing your buttons. Maybe you battle to say no, so they take advantage of you. Think about what you’re doing that makes you a target and try to change it so that it’s harder for them to get to you or hurt you.
Toxic people always try to get back into your life by always keeping you engaged in one crisis that occurs in their life.
To get rid of toxic people you must be ready to look away from their so-called crisis and to move on with your own life. Ignoring toxic people is an effective way to get them to pack their bags and leave your life.
Some people have a tendency to see themselves as the victim in every situation.
If they mess up, they might shift the blame to someone else or tell a story that paints them in a more positive light. You might feel tempted to nod and smile in order to prevent an angry outburst. This might feel like the safest option, but it can also encourage them to see you as a supporter.
Make sure you choose your battles wisely.
Conflict with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time. Just remember you don’t need to engage in every fight that they might try to instigate. Instead, save that energy for looking after yourself, and for nourishing relationships that are genuinely healthy.
Tip #3: Look After Yourself
If you know a friend who always destructively dictates the emotional atmosphere, be sure of this — they are toxic. If you are suffering because of a person’s attitude, and your patience, advice, compassion, and attentiveness do not seem to help them, and they don’t seem to care a bit, ask yourself, “Do I really need this human in my life?”
When you remove toxic people from your life, it becomes way easier to breathe.
Dealing with someone’s toxic behavior can be exhausting. The person might constantly complain about others, always have a new story about unfair treatment, or even accuse you of wronging them or not caring about their needs. Resist the urge to jump on the complaining train with them or defend yourself against accusations.
How much do the words of those around you affect your state of mind?
You must master the ability to ensure that the negative remarks of others do not affect their strong sense of accomplishment. Toxic people like to break you down with rude, hurtful comments, and gain satisfaction from watching you fall apart. Learn to react less to the opinions of others, especially those you know do not have your well-being at heart.
You need to act and stop yourself in the tracks. That way, you can take the first step towards preventing them from hurting you.
Your dignity may be ravaged, attacked, and mocked, but it can never be taken away from you unless you surrender it willingly. It is all about finding the self-love to defend your boundaries. Make it clear that you won’t allow anyone to insult or belittle you. You can effectively end conversations that are putting you down with plain abruptness. The message should be clear — you will entertain no games.
Misery loves company. Just because someone else is having a bad day, it doesn’t mean that you have to, too.
Positive energy, smiling, and laughter is contagious. Unfortunately, so is negativity. You need to recognize this and act accordingly. If a toxic person is bringing down the mood, rein in your emotions and force yourself to stay positive. Smile. Think positive thoughts, and encourage others to do likewise.
It’s hard to build the future on people who have trouble navigating the present.
What that does mean, though, is that because your time is limited, you should limit your time with fools and be really careful who you hire and recruit. The key to fools is to limit the number and limit their impact. Otherwise, the cost is simply too great. Whether they mean to do damage or not, foolish people can do a lot of damage.
Stand up for yourself. Speak up!
Some people can do anything for their personal gain at the expense of others — take your money and property, pass guilt, cut in line, bully and belittle others, etc. Do not accept this kind of behavior. These people know what they are doing is wrong. They will back down considerably quickly when confronted.
Tip #4: Make Yourself Unavailable
When it comes to closed friends, sometimes a great way to get some relief from their behavior, and hopefully send the toxic person a message, is to take a time out. Stop talking to them and do your own thing for a while. This also helps you to put a toxic friend in her place without cutting out the entire friendship.
Saying NO is a great way to protect your space.
You can fight bullies, toxic people, peer pressure, by just saying a simple, tiny, two-letter word, that is NO! It may hurt people when you start taking up this habit, but once you learn to stand for yourself, you will see how beneficial it is for the peace of your mind. And I can safely say that, to maintain peace of your account, you need to stop others giving you a piece of their mind.
You don’t want to be rude. You can maintain a relationship with toxic people without allowing their toxicity to influence you.
However you can only take so much before it becomes unhealthy. Remove yourself from a situation involving a toxic person. It may sound intimidating, but you can do this without even having to apologize for your actions. Just excuse yourself from the room. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Toxic people only have the power to upset you if you let them upset you.
Even if you can’t distance yourself physically, you always have the power to distance yourself emotionally. The more time you spend away from toxic people, the more time you have for yourself and the people that are positive, uplifting, and important to you.
Once you reached your limit of how much you can stand, just excuse yourself from the conversation and move on with your day.
People who behave toxically tend to focus on themselves and what they want. They might blame you or other people for any problems they have and show little interest in your feelings or needs. This can make spending time with them unpleasant.
Usually, people tell you to make yourself available, go ahead with your friends, and go out, but it is not always in the best interest of oneself.
Yes, though, man is a social animal, but too many interactions with people who suck out your energy will only leave you depleted and tired. Make yourself busy, enroll in new courses, give time to your hobbies, sharpen your skills, or just meditate. There is so much to do rather than waste your time with people who won’t even value your presence.
Tip #5: Rise Above Their Poison
It’s not easy to rise above it when some people are determined to drag you down into the fray. But recognizing that people are toxic should be the first step toward desensitizing yourself from their words and actions.
When something goes wrong, toxic people give up. Toxic people can poison a project.
Successful people rise above that. It takes a team to accomplish anything great. Winners know how to motivate their team despite toxic energy in the room. Lead by example. Set yourself up for success. Put the odds in your favor by monitoring how you think and how you work.
Become a leader. Step up to the plate and show everyone around you that negative talk won’t hold you back.
This is something that you need to keep in mind. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond to what happens. It’s easy to just give up and join the pity party with all the toxic people in the room. But that’s not productive. That mentality won’t put you on a path to becoming a winner.
Toxic people can make you feel strong emotions, like anger and frustration. But don’t play them at their own game.
Instead, detach emotionally — it’ll take some practice but you’ll be glad you did it — so that they can’t reach you from where you are high in the clouds of bliss. Let your mind wander while they go off on a rant. Think of a funny movie scene or amazing experience you had earlier. Nod and pretend to listen, without answering back. Remember, if you can’t change them, change how you react to them.
Don’t allow a toxic person to control the room. It’s easy to let these people bring you down and ruin your day.
It may sound harsh, but since toxic people tend to take advantage of any kindness that’s imparted on them, being overly nice can be detrimental. It doesn’t mean you have to be cruel, but you should stop going out of your way to be overly accommodating.
Focus on the positive. If you dwell on how infuriating toxic people can be, it will stress you the fuck out.
Do your best to catch yourself when you start to fixate on the negative, and try to consciously switch your thoughts to solutions or more positive situations. Toxic people don’t deserve your mental energy. Know that you will stay positive and happy in the face of a person who’s actions might steal this from you.
Tip #6: Don't Try To Fix Them
Firstly, and most importantly, moving past toxic relationships requires true acceptance of the fact that you can’t force toxic people to change. They may imply that they can change, or you may yearn to be the one who can help them become better, but this is almost always a hopeless project.
People can change, but they have to be willing to put in the work to do so.
You might want to help someone you care about instead of writing them completely out of your life. But, while you can always offer compassion and kindness, you likely won’t be able to change them. Trying to help someone change before they’re ready can sap your emotional resources further.
If you want to increase the amount of stress you feel around the toxic person, continue trying to change them.
Even if you work super hard at work to try to get your toxic boss’s approval or you become the most amazing friend to your toxic mate, it’ll never make them into the person you want them to be. You’ll have better luck hitting your head against a wall.
Many times, we fall into the trap of thinking that it is our responsibility to change toxic people or that they will eventually change.
To get rid of them, you must be ready to accept that they won’t change and that it is not your duty to attempt changing their attitude. The interesting thing is that they always seem to be willing to take advice and to change, but they don’t.
Here’s the thing about toxic people: they don’t want your help. They don’t want to learn more, do better, be different.
They want everyone around them to just put up with their ways and make accommodation for them. It’s an impossible situation and you can bet that it’s one that you cannot improve. These people, however smart and cunning they may be, are just negative and looking for trouble.
You might empathize, but don’t try to change toxic people.
Ask yourself if there is a reason someone is such a bummer. Are they going through something? Do they have a tough job or home life? Remember that you can’t change another person, only yourself, so don’t bog yourself down with excuses. Just try and get where they are coming from — it’ll make dealing with their crap a lot easier down the road.
Tip #7: Focus on Solutions
Toxic people give you a lot to be sad and angry about but if you focus on this, you’ll stay miserable and frustrated, even if you’re excising such a person from your social circle. Instead, turn your attention to the fact you’re clearing up a psychological and emotional mess in your life.
Be the bigger person. Don’t get dragged into a fight.
Toxic people are just looking to share their misery with other people. They know how to push buttons to get a rise out of others. If you feel like a toxic person is trying to start an argument with you, refuse to get involved. Be aware of your emotions. Let them wash over you like a wave and then fade away.
Focusing on a crazy person can make you….crazy.
Instead, manage your emotional state by fixating on solutions to the problem the toxic person is creating. Successful people strive to change and adapt as life throws curveballs. Remember: the toxic person isn’t going to change, so call on your own resourcefulness as a way to forge ahead.
Complainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions.
They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. If you spend much of your time ruminating on — and trying to understand — a toxic person’s negative behavior, they’ll suck away all your resources even when they’re no longer in your life.
Toxic people will have you bending over backwards and tied with a barbed wire ribbon to keep you there.
What will keep you stuck is playing over and over in your head the vastness of their screwed up behavior. It will keep you angry, sad and disempowered. If you have to make a decision that you’d rather not make, focus on the mess that’s it’s cleaning up, not the person who is making your life hell. Don’t focus on their negative behavior — there’s just too much there to focus on and it will never make sense to you anyway.
Think about what you’re going to do to move the situation forward, and then try to let it go.
Focusing on problems will do you no good as it will simply stress you out and add on to the negative emotions. Train yourself to think about solutions, not problems. You won’t do yourself any favors by dwelling. Plan your response, and then move on.
Yes, we need relationships, but we don’t need every relationship—especially ones that bring us more pain than support. Make time for people who bring you happiness, and let go of those who bring you anything less.
There will always be toxic people in the world.
Toxicity is contagious. You can feel it when you walk into a room or by observing the behavior of others. But with that said, positivity is also contagious. Winners know how to rise above negative energy.
Set boundaries. Know your limits.
Dealing with toxic people isn’t easy, and these coping mechanisms aren’t developed overnight. But with any luck, they will help you tune out the toxicity that can’t be avoided.
It takes time and conscious effort to not resent people who bring a bad vibe to our spirit.
The fact is, WE are the ones unable to navigate out of situations because we don’t want to stop ‘being nice’. The methods suggested remain in the territory of humaneness, and allow you to start keeping a distance. So feel free to use them without a second thought.
Some people cannot be pleased, no matter what you do. Make sure to always say no to unnecessary drama.
Be confident, and don’t get bogged down by craziness. Own your faults and quirks. You do NOT need anyone else’s approval. If a toxic person is trying hard to manipulate you, it is probably because they need your attention. You don’t have to give it if you don’t want to.
By removing toxic people and behavior from your life, it will be easier for you to focus on greatness and become a winner.
Thanks so much for stopping by today. Till we chat again, stay clear of the toxic elements, keep shining, share the blog with your awesome tribe and take care of yourself! How do you react when you encounter a toxic person? Tell us how you handle these situations in the comments section below.