5 Quick Tips On Improving Your Social Skills & Being More Outgoing (If You’re not a Party-person)
Is the world tailored for extroverts? Yes it is. It’s definitely easier to be a confident person who knows how to express your feelings and say directly what you think. The social capital you build from your social connections is often much more valuable than your degrees. It’s worth incorporating some extroverted character traits because improving your social skills and being more outgoing can open many doors and simply make you happier.
If you tend to be shy and quiet, then you need to learn how to be more outgoing as an introvert.
Let me just say that there’s nothing wrong with being reserved and introverted. But if you feel like it’s preventing you from connecting with others, then you need to improve your social skills as well. By doing so, you’ll be able to express yourself better and figure out how to be more outgoing.
Many shy and socially anxious people are interested in learning how to bond with others.
Some people seem to naturally be talkative and connect easy with others. They on the other hand struggle with this. The good news is that you don’t have to struggle. Equipped with some savvy advice on how to be more outgoing, you can get out of your shell and participate more in conversations with other people.
Having a great network — the set of relationships you build over time, both personally and professionally — is important to your success in so many ways.
However, your network is not something you can buy. The only way to have a great network is to build it. And the number one key to building relationships is having strong social skills. It doesn’t matter how smart you are. If you don’t have good social skills, you will top out before you are meant to.
Improving your social skills is not a process that’s accomplished overnight. It’s a process of enriching your personality and takes place in many small steps. But I’m sure that becoming more outgoing is possible for everyone.
If improving your social skills and being more outgoing is one of your goals, you’ll find below some natural ways to act like a more friendly, social person. Here’s a look at five tips to help you better connect with others. If some of these tips aren’t the right fit, feel free to ditch them altogether and try something else. What’s important is that you find the joy in connecting.
Tip #1: Chat With Strangers
Master chatting with people you’re unfamiliar with so you can speak to people who you actually want to get to know later. Coming over to talk to a pretty girl at a bar or going into a circle of unknown people and inserting yourself into the conversation requires advanced social skills. You might never be an accomplished conversationalist without trying small things first.
Find your own way to approach strangers and open your mind to them.
There’s nothing like getting to know those around you to make you feel like you’re part of a community. For one, it gives you a sense of belonging. It also gives you an opportunity to turn acquaintances into closer friends. Start up a spontaneous conversation with your barista the next time you’re ordering your latte, or ask your neighbor how her day is going.
If you’ve recently been introduced to someone, or there are some new people around, see if you can start a conversation.
Maybe you can only talk for a minute or two about the line you’re both waiting in. It’s not the deepest interaction, but you made a little connection with someone. That’s friendlier than keeping to yourself. Have you ever tried making pleasant conversation with someone you’ve run into, and they blew you off by giving one-word responses and obviously looking like they don’t want to be spoken to? You probably walked away thinking they were pretty unfriendly, even if you intellectually knew they may have had a reason for being brusque. If someone is trying to chat with you, make an effort to give them something back in return. Even if you can’t talk for long, engage with them at least a little.
Some of us see meeting new people as a scary event.
We are concerned about making a good impression, whether the other person will like us, how to keep the conversation going, and so on. The more we think about it, the scarier it seems. Actually, all these fears are just in our head. If you think about it, 99% of people are too busy being concerned about these very things themselves to pay attention to you. While you’re worried about the impression you make, they are worried about the impression they will make. Truth be told, they are just as scared as you are.
Regardless of why you’re trying to meet new people, don’t feel pressure to acquire a pocketful of new friends.
If you’re scared of failure or feel like you must meet someone new, you’ll come across as aggressive. If someone doesn’t want to have a conversation with you, let them walk off without being pushy and trying to keep them to yourself. Be laid back and go with the flow — it will make you seem friendly, which means you’ll have better conversations, and be more likely to have other people approach you.
Tip #2: Small Talk Hasn't To Be Awkward
So, you’re ready to embark on opening yourself up a little more and making new friends. Maybe you’d like to learn the magical art of “small talk” or how to strike up a conversation at the next wedding you’re invited to.
Although it may seem pointless or shallow, small talk serves a key function in human interaction.
When two people meet, they rarely feel comfortable around each other straight away. They need time to appraise each other and pick up on social cues at a subconscious level. They ask themselves questions, even if they don’t realize it, like: Is this person friendly or hostile? Could this person be a friend, a partner, an ally, or someone to avoid? Do we see things the same way or have things in common?
You don’t build a relationship by just getting down to the facts.
There’s a dance, a game, a whole process that’s important before getting down to business. Just like going to a restaurant, you don’t want to just get the food the moment you walk in the door, eat it and go. It’s a dining experience with a set of rituals that makes it enjoyable, worthwhile and something you’ll want to do again. Showing your personality and being able to develop relationships is a great differentiator that helps you advance.
Like it or not, small talk is integral to your success.
Having good small talk topics up your sleeve won’t just help you kick off great conversations, it’ll also relieve some of the anxiety of walking into an unknown environment. The more frequently you do it, the more comfortable you’ll become. You’ll also quickly learn which topics generate the best conversations, how to gauge a person’s mood and personality by their body language and tone of voice, when to pivot to new topics, and the signs a conversation has wrapped up.
Small talk is like an invitation. It acts to engage and prime the pump for more expanded interaction.
It’s very common for many of us to feel uncomfortable or nervous in a social situation. Whether we admit to it or not, everyone fears the possibility of rejection. These fears can make us feel tongue-tied if and when we do open our mouths to speak. Through small talk we have a vehicle to aid us in overcoming these self-imposed limitations and insecurities. By shifting the focus from ourselves to others, we can transform our anxious self-talk from, “I never know what to say” to, “What I can do is say hello and show interest in another person.”
Tip #3: Be All Ears
The truth is, we’re all inherently selfish. That’s why we like people who like us. But if you want to figure out how to be more talkative as an introvert, you have to be genuinely interested in others. The next time you interact with someone, give them your full and undivided attention. Get out of your head, put your phone away, and be curious about them.
Listen respectfully: Balance self-disclosure with asking others about themselves.
People will think that you’re an interesting person if you show that you’re interested in them. Ask sincere questions with the intent to actually get to know them and how they see life. In return, most people will be interested in hearing about your take on things. People who try to be interesting by talking about themselves and their adventures tend to become boring or annoying after a while.
That said, effective listening is about more than just passively receiving information.
Instead, you need to show the other person that you’re listening. This comes from affirmative statements, body language, and a healthy amount of silence. Let’s start with affirming what the other person is saying. For instance, if someone tells you about how they grew up in a different country, you could say, That must give you a different perspective on where you are living now. Making affirmative statements like these demonstrates that you’re engaged in the conversation and thinking about you’re hearing. Don’t talk too much. Really listen; be quiet and take in what the person is saying.
The “need for speed” of our current world often forces us to simplify our interactions, to the point where they become useless.
Based on just a few words, or a few sentences, we often create a perspective on some thing or some person, which may simply be inaccurate because we didn’t take the time to actually listen. Really listening means not only giving to the other the time to finish his speech, but also the exercise of “borrowing” his perspective. Listening means to actually see things from their point of view.
Conversations die pretty quickly when nobody has anything left to say.
Often, this happens because both parties have said all of the things they wanted to say. When you’re focused on listening (rather than waiting for an opportunity to speak), you’ll come up with good questions that can keep a conversation going. You’ll learn more about your conversational partner’s point of view by asking great questions too, and you’ll often find that the conversation is so engaging that you end up discussing points that have seemingly nothing to do with the original talking point.
Tip #4: Open Up
For a conversation to get deep and engaging, we need to share things about ourselves. If someone says, “I went fishing this weekend at the lake,” and you respond, “That’s nice,” you’re pretty much done. However, if you ask more about their trip and then reveal, “I used to go to my grandparent’s cottage every weekend as a child.” Now you can talk about boats, fishing, country life, etc.
The fear of being judged prevents most people from speaking up.
They’re so afraid of looking bad that they pressure themselves to say something clever all the time. If you want to know how to be more talkative as an introvert, you have to not care so much. Believe it or not, most people don’t notice you as often as you might assume. Not to mention, everyone’s so concerned about themselves anyway. Even if you say something silly, others would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home. That’s why you need to stop overanalyzing everything.
Quiet your inner critic and always challenge your assumptions.
In order for people to trust you, they have to like you. And in order for them to like you, they have to know you. That’s why you have to open up and let them see who you really are. My advice is to open up incrementally by sharing a small secret about yourself. Gauge the other person’s feedback and see if they reciprocate. By being vulnerable first, you encourage the other person to open up as well. If you want to figure out how to bond and build deeper friendships, this is one of the best ways to do it.
Having unreasonable expectations, thinking too much and being quiet in social settings are ultimately mere symptoms of certain beliefs you posses.
Most shy or socially anxious people don’t hold themselves in high regard, they think they must be perfect or they think others are better than they are. This is the root of their problem. If you want to permanently eliminate your nervousness in social settings and become more talkative, you need to get to the root of the problem and fix it from there. You need to change a precise cluster of beliefs you hold.
Authenticity is being yourself in a nutshell.
Some people mistakenly believe that if they’re going to be themselves, they have to eliminate their verbal filter and say everything that pops into their heads. But this isn’t the case; in fact, if you’re looking to decimate your friend group and start fresh, this would be the easiest way to do it. To be authentic means to be honest about what you think, feel, and believe in a respectful and appropriate way and with regards to the social setting and circumstances. In other words, you don’t have to stop being yourself to be socially versatile– you can simply express the part of yourself that is most fitting for the current situation.
Tip #5: Give Compliments
Don’t be afraid to be positive and encouraging. If someone is good at something then tell them. If someone looks nice or is well dressed, then say you think so, in an appropriate way. If you think someone is funny or an interesting, let them know. Again, moderation is essential. The occasional genuine compliment is way better than a constant stream of try-hard ones.
Compliments really are one of the easiest two-way streets available in terms of spreading happiness around you and increasing your own.
When talking to a friend, loved one or colleague, or even when meeting someone new for the first time, giving them a compliment can be a nice way to break the ice. It feels really good to make other people feel good. If you offer friendly and sincere compliments to people around you, you will brighten their day and spread a little bit of joy in the world.
Appreciation is also foundational in relationships, both those with our partners and spouses and with our friends.
It’s part of what makes us want to cooperate and collaborate with those around us. And if you come to a challenge, knowing that you’re appreciated helps you want to work through and overcome that challenge. Being in the habit of giving compliments helps us notice and appreciate what’s good and what we like in those around us. So being complimentary helps us create an optimistic, happier outlook.
The art of the compliment is not only a powerful social skill; it is one of the most fundamental.
You don’t need to be an expert to do it well. You just need to be genuine. Compliments are in fact one of the finest tools for acquiring more social skills, because the returns are great and immediate. They escalate the atmosphere of positivity and become social lubricants, fostering the flow of conversation and advancing communication by enhancing receptivity. Compliments are free. It costs us literally nothing to use kind words. So why not use them as much as possible?
Each of these compliments take only seconds. And they don’t cost anything to hand out. So just go for it.
In a world full of negativity, everybody can use a little more positivity in their lives. In a modern time when everyone so busy with their routine and problems, we almost forget to notice others. The people who are living around us, maybe they won’t be there always. So it is worthy of sparing some moments for seeing others and pass a compliment which would have very positive impacts. Your smile or a compliment will make your life happier and joyful and others also as it involves the exchange of attention, kindness, praise and so many things like this. The world full of compliments will be the happiest one.
The need for social connection is instinctual. By nature, we’re drawn to seek the company of others. Social connections are an important source of fun, pleasure, sense of security, and support, all of which play into maintaining good physical and emotional health.
As you build your network — that crucial set of mutually supportive relationships that travels with you no matter where you are — keep in mind the role that social skills play.
Whatever you do, keep practicing your social skills. They are truly differentiators, especially as you become more senior and people look to you for more than “just” your technical expertise. When you’re comfortable with expressing yourself and letting the world know you as you are, you can do great things with your life.
Having the ability to be social may be a hurdle for some but it’s one of the most rewarding things we can possibly do for ourselves.
It gives us many special things in return which we should embrace every chance we get! When you’re being social and making connections with others, you feel like you’re living life to the fullest and enjoying all that life has to offer, generally speaking. It’s fun and exciting to get to know other people and to be able to find out the similarities and differences between us. It’s always worth the time it takes.
People who have social lives lead incredibly smoother lives.
Those who are sociable are more likely to get by in life easier and more smoothly. The support you get from your social connections can add to your feelings of meaning and purpose in life. These, in turn, add to your resilience. Happy, resilient people tend to be more connected to the people around them. Resilient people know that they can depend on the strength of their family and friends when the going gets tough.
So, what are you waiting for now? Go and smile to someone!
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first? Are you going to come up with things to talk about or are you going to open up more? Leave me a comment below and let me know.
Digital Dandy. Hacker From Heart. Workaholic. Coding Artist. Self-made.